I’m going to pack a one-two punch with this list, as it’s actually two lists, broken up over two days. I’m gonna talk about the best of the best and the worst of the worst as far as Mega Man’s weapons. Now, I’m not going to list any of the weapons from Mega Man 9, because not everyone’s played it yet and I don’t want to spoil things. I am, however, going to include Mega Man X into this rotation. Why? Because I love Mega Man X, that’s why. If you don’t like it, make your own list and slap that stuff on Gamefaqs.
5. Ring Boomerang- Ring Man, Mega Man IV. Let’s see, lame range? Check. This thing only fires a couple of body lengths’ worth of distance in front of Mega Man. He might as well Mega Spit on the enemies. Lame damage? Check. If you fire off this weapon against most baddies the sound you’re most likely to hear is the high pitched Mega Man ting of damage immunity, as tons of enemies are immune to this stupid thing.
4. Super Arm- Guts Man, Mega Man. I’m sorry, but if you can only use the power occasionally, whenever the game decides to throw you a bone and chuck some very specific types of boxes at you, then the power blows. End of story. At least you can use it competently against Cut Man without risking harming to yourself. Which is more than I can say for the other lame-o powers on this list, like…
3. Scorch Wheel- Turbo Man, Mega Man VII. Ok, so here’s how this retarded power works. You get surrounded by a ring of fire, and then after a small chunk of time the fire will zap outward based on your facing and movement. But the thing is, this dumb weapon has got a massive delay between activation and firing. If you try to use it against slash man, you might as well just use the Mega Buster, as he’ll probably just hop out of the way before you can hit him with the thing. The only really reliable way to deal damage with this thing is to use it point blank, which will hurt you, and it still doesn’t always hurt, because you have to be super close, but not tooooooo close or else it’ll kinda misfire. At least you can use it to burn some trees, which is more than I can say for this next weapon.
2. Charge Kick- Charge Man, Mega Man V. Mega Man slides forward with a pink sonic boom on his feeties, and hypothetically damages the enemy. Let me tell you, the only enemies that are going to be hurt with this thing are either teeny tiny enough to slide through easily, or Wave Man, cause he’s weak against it. Most of the time you’re going to take damage from trying to use it. Is the enemy too big? Take damage. Has a weak point that the kick doesn’t hit? Take damage. Weak against it? Yeah, you might still take damage. At least you can use it plenty though, which is better than…
1. Top Spin- Top Man, Mega Man III. This honkin’ turd is the crème a la crap. The poop frosting on the poop cake. It’s a brown log in a swirling sea of stinky. Since you have to jump into an enemy to use it, you end up taking damage 99% of the time because your timing has to be nigh perfect to get the spin just right. Also, sometimes the thing will bug out and will empty out your meter if you use the spin wrong. That’s right, sometimes you might even only get to use the dumb thing like, once. So, it hurts you, it’s almost impossible to deal damage with it, and sometimes you can only use it once. It’s the poo cherry on a poo sundae in this list of the worst weapons Mega Man has ever had the misfortune of acquiring. Should you find yourself in the possession of one of these just calm down, breathe, and for the love of God stick to the Mega Buster.
